Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Doubts and peace

So the other day I had a difficult phone conversation with someone close to my heart - ie I care for this person but it's so hard to reach to said person...

And honestly, this person said things that made me doubt of decisions we have made - like me leaving government to work on the private sector then on our home business, me staying at home with my kids, me homeschooling... and so on.   As much as I would like this person to support me and accept the decisions that I/we make, there is no point of trying anymore.   I'm giving up.

But the doubts crept in my mind... depression hit home, tears came down the cheeks...

Things that were said:

"knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have help to pay for your master degree since it is almost as thought we have thrown the money through the windows"

" you have a master degree in IT not in teaching"

"I am not sure your kids will be equipped properly when the arrive in high school because you yourself (as in me...) have lost more than 60% of your French and don't know how to write it anymore because of the  errors you make"

and so on...

But it hurts so much when it comes from someone you love and you care for.    *sigh*

So this was my day a few days ago... depression, tears, deflated, unsure of my decisions.

Then I finished to watch a DVD I have borrowed from the library title Be Still.   It is about contemplative prayer.  And one section of the DVD is listing scriptures to ponder on. The one that caught my eye was Psalm 62:1-2.

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.
     He only is my Rock and my Salvation, my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be greatly moved."
Amplified version

These verses were a balm on my soul the next day and since then I feel better.   Do I have teary eyes sometimes still?  You bet but I also know that God is there for me and sustain me and love me.

Further down in the Psalm it says " Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him.  God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Shelah [pause and calmly think of that!]

Yes indeed God is my refuge and when I feel attacked and start doubting because of the lies someone throw at me (whom is guided obviously by the Father of Lies), I know that God is there to give me strength and show me the Truth.

Never forget that God is bigger than lies.   I know I got reminded of this truth over the week.


Personal blog of a homeschool family. We love to travel with our RV when we can. Fishing, discovering new places, photography are some of our favourite activities!


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